The kids are in school. Hubby is at work. When I woke up, it was 8-friggin-30.
I ate breakfast, read the papers, did my exercises and took a shower. Now it’s laundry, lunch, and some pet maintenance issues (stiiiiinky cat boxes! EWWW!)
I’ve been trying to figure out why I’m so mentally paralyzed, and things get piled up housework-wise, and not enjoyed, fun-wise. When everyone’s home, I really like it – we’re kind of lazy, do a few things together, some things separately, and don’t worry much about schedules or minor responsibilities. But even under normal circumstances, I lie in bed at the end of the day thinking “shoot! I forgot to do THIS” and “darn, I forgot that I wanted to do THAT”. When there are four of us all hanging around in the house, I kind of wander aimlessly. I don’t want to turn on the lights and run my sewing machine when people are in the family room watching TV or playing video games. I don’t want to clean while everyone else is just relaxing. My maximum attention span for reading and video games is about 30-45 minutes, then I have to get up and do something else. I’m sure that my distractability has a lot to do with it. If I start doing something and get hyperfocused on it, then someone interrupts me even for a simple question, odds are that I’ll lose my train of thought enough that I don’t complete what I started – so I don’t start anything. If something is going on in the same room, I have trouble tuning it out and doing anything else (in that same room, or elsewhere – maybe deep in my mind I’m thinking that I don’t want to disturb anyone else because they’ll stop what they’re doing just as I do, even though I know they don’t?)
Funny thing is, though, that I still end up aimless even when you remove the distraction of people underfoot. I can make a list, and get most, if not all, of the items done. And then what? Do I remember that I wanted to hang up fabric and find the rest of my beading supplies? Do I remember to get information or schedule a fun trip out that I keep mentioning I want to take? Do I call people I haven’t talked to in ages? No, I wander about aimlessly trying to remember what else I wanted to do, and end up either doing more housework (not wasteful, but not what I KNEW I wanted to do before I forgot) or fooling around on the computer. I think my therapist would tell me to work on my scheduling issues for fun things just the way I’ve been doing for necessary things, but I think I probably need him to tell me that before I actually get up the impetus to do it. So I’ll tell him what to tell me when I go this afternoon. Heh.
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Happy belated holidays and Happy New year! Didn’t have an address this year, so no card – sorry!
Finally decided to try and register again – guess it likes the new email address! Yea!!!
I was sitting here wondering why I am sitting here on the computer when I know there was something I was going to do. Can’t remember. So I sat down for a sec here. I bought myself a planner book at 1/2 price last night at Barnes and Noble. Maggie wanted to know why, with a computer and plam pilot I needed a sprial bound note book style planner. Becuase I can carry this around the house, and write in it every night in bed and make myself lists. I need lists. But, beyond my lists, I’m pretty much wandering around, aimlessly. Trying to figure out what to do next, or what I wanted to get donw but don’t remember.
So, when you figure out the answer on this one, could you pass it on?
Have a great day. I’m going to go do something now. Something. *shrug*
Gosh. We are alike in many ways.
Must be something about the name. Heh.
This was not as much of a problem for me when I was employed at a regular job, where there was a pile of stuff someone else told me I had to do, and I knew exactly what I had to do, with deadlines and consquences if I did not do it. ( I still could be quite distractable…Jeanne used to tease me about it all the time) I need lists like crazy, too, but it is also easy to look at the list, and find reasons NOT to do the things on it, or why it doesn’t have to be done today…plus the sheer number of things to do can be ovewhelming..too many choices..hmm, I guess I’ll do nothing! I am still adapting to having control of (or lack of control) of my own time….days are too short. It’s noon,you have already accomplished a lot…don’t overbook and expect yourself to be satisfied w/ what you have done. Pick just 2 or 3 tasks, do them, forget about the rest of your list, and when you get them done, congratulate yourself! (My friend at work taught me that…she pointed out to me that I always tend to focus on what I didn’t do, and not what I did accomplish!)
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